my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
