why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
