I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
