her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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