He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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