I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
