why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
