Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
