Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
