I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Randomize
