you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
