i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
im six kinds of drunk right now
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
