my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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