at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
