her vagine was all disorganized.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
