He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I wish you could order shots online.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize