Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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