Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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