so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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