what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
