Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
