Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
True strength comes from lack of pants
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
