Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize