I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
