mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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