Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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