The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
