I looked at my own cervix.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just pee around me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
