And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
