how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Randomize
