Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
