Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
