Im at strip club and am horny
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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