I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
