Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
