My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
