You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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