cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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