it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize