Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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