dude i'm inner monologue high
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
