sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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