Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
