The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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