My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize