I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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