I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize