So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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