this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize