you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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