Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
