I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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