The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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