one two three fourrrrnication!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
