people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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