Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
