That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I party with great urgency now.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
