he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
