ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
