my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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