He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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