Soap is not a condiment
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
