rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
