hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Small penises have feelings too.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
