A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
