i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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