i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
