i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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