I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
