I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
